Emotions! RAWR! (Source) |
Sitting on the couch, like every night, with a cat on each side watching something on Netflix and browsing Pinterest I came across an article, The Daily Check-in and Why It Matters by Maggie Reyes on Modern Married. In the piece, she stresses the importance of telling your spouse, or significant other, what's happening in your life with enough detail that they understand why you might be extraordinarily grumpy, unusually quiet, or down in the dumps sometimes. Her point is that if your Someone knows what you're dealing with outside of your relationship, then they know that it's not them causing the mood fluctuation.
I love this idea, but have no idea (without sounding naggy or needy) how to implement it into my own relationship.
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On the other hand, I never get asked how my day was. This is my fault, and I think I know why. I stay at home, so most of the time my daily tasks are mundane and not much happens. If something does happen I can't wait to tell him all about it. As soon as he's in the door I offer up the goings on of my day to him with excitement or frustration or boredom. So, I guess he just expects that I'll tell him everything without prompt.
Writing this made me think that maybe I don't need him to ask what I did today. Maybe I just need him to care and ask about how I am emotionally.
I moved here away from everyone I know and love and the only person to ask me how I'm dealing with it is Philip's mother. But he asked her to stop because she asked in a way that made me uncomfortable, like she doesn't want me here, which is definitely not the case. Her heart is in the right place, and I really appreciate her concern for my wellbeing, but she tends to muddle things up more rather than help. Therefore, I choose not to confide in her for fear of her unintentionally making things worse.
"Why not just tell Philip all of this, Amanda?" you ask?
In many ways I feel I already have. I've opened up to him about my past, cried in front of him, and told him things: how much I miss my friends and family, my wish to make new friends here, my goal to finish school. After all of that, I thought that maybe he would ask me later how I am doing with these things.
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How do I convey all of this to Philip without hurting his feelings or sounding needy and high maintenance? How do I get what I need from him without having to initiate the conversation every time? My mom says that I do much better at communicating my feelings when I write them down in a letter. That way I can edit myself and not say the wrong things, because I do that... a lot. Perhaps I will write to him, or perhaps he'll see this post (he does read my blog from time to time). For now, I'm going to sleep on it, process my emotions, and wake up fresh tomorrow.
Oh my goodness! This is just like me and my fiancee! I will ask him how was work and his response is always "fine". He rarely if ever asks about mine, much less how I'm feeling. Are our significant others brothers? Can't really give any advise because I have been unable to figure out a way to get it to work, but if I ever do figure it out I will let you know. Good luck!
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