Personality Types and Marriage

A couple of sessions ago, I signed up for the Personality Theory class. The insight I gained about myself in comparison to others is remarkable, and it’s helped me be more comfortable and confident in the path I have chosen. We took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) in class, but I already had an idea of what my results would be as I had taken a similar test online about a year prior (You can take it for yourself HERE). However, the results from the MBTI differed from the online test by one letter, but only slightly on the scale.

People do change, therefore their personalities change as well, so I took the online test again to see if I would receive the same type as the MBTI taken in class: ISFJ. I did not, I got the same result as I did when I took it a year ago: INFJ. I found a different online test and got INFJ again. When I compared the two types side by side, I felt that I related more to the INFJ descriptions that I did the ISFJ ones.

Our Personality Types

I am an INFJ. This means I am Introverted (I), Intuitive (N), Feeling (F), and Judging (J). A general description is that I seek more out of life than just living it, there has to be a meaning in everything I do. INFJs have a desire to understand the motivations of others, as well as themselves, and generally have an insightful nature when it comes to interacting with those around them. INFJs also have a strong set of core values they can be quite stubborn in upholding. They are never satisfied or at peace with themselves, making them feel like they are always a work in progress, but INFJs believe that they are almost always right (duh) witch makes them come off as stubborn and that they ignore other's opinions.

When Hubs took the MBTI, he received the ISFJ personality score. Introversion (I), sensing (S), and judging (J) were no surprise to me. It was the Feeling (F) that threw me for a loop. I would have pegged my husband as a Thinker (T) instead. Like INFJs, ISFJs are perfectionists, however ISFJs take things far more literally than often intended. They have an exceptional memory when it comes to the people in their lives, and learn best by doing. While their feelings of inadequacy can be quite strong (they are their own worst critic), they are very responsible and make sure the all things in their lives are running smoothly. ISFJs are not very expressive with their feelings (no surprise), and they don't often let on that they know what others are feeling either. 

But what does this mean for us together?

What’s great about our personality types is that they are so similar, however this can also pose some significant problems as well. Due to our introversion, we struggle, at times, with communication. We keep our feelings and emotions locked up when we should be sharing them with each other. Being Intuitive though, we still have an idea about wha the other is thinking and feeling. However, I often read farther into his comments and statements than I should, and he doesn’t read into mine as deeply as I’d like him to. This is something we have been working on, and will probably have to work on for the duration of our marriage (forever, duh).

Another, hilariously, accurate description I found for our personality types together is that Hubs doesn’t understand why I can’t keep up with the laundry and dishes. This is because I get lost in my thoughts and forget about doing them. I literally laughed out loud when I read about this, and said to my husband “That’s so us!” Knowing these types of things about each other helps us to take a step back and not be so reactive when things don't go our own way.

Enough with the negative, because there are some amazing things about and INFJ-ISFJ marriage. We balance each other out: he keeps me grounded, while I encourage him to dream a little more. He’s amazing with our finances, and I have the ability to let go and let him take the reigns where money is concerned. We both understand the other’s need to have “me time” and are very good listeners when we actually open up and talk to each other. As feeling types, we can be more in tune with each other’s feelings surround a conflict and take great care not to hurt the other. Finally, we are both planners (INFJ and ISFJ – Compatibility, Relationships, and Friendships).  

The key to any relationship, though, is a good sense of humor. If we don’t laugh at and with one another from time to time, I don’t think anyone would make it.

Take the test. Have your partner take the test. Then check out the relationship sections to see how you compare. You can learn so much. 

Have you every taken a personality test before? Did you learn something new about yourself?

References
Cox, B. (2011, November 10). It's Hard To Be an INFJ---The Rarest Myers-Briggs Personality Type. Retrieved October 4, 2015, from http://beaconstreetusa.com/wp/its-hard-to-be-an-infj/
INFJ. (n.d.). Retrieved October 4, 2015, from http://www.truity.com/personality-type/infj
INFJ Personality ("The Advocate"). (n.d.). Retrieved October 4, 2015, from http://www.16personalities.com/infj-personality
INFJ and ISFJ – Compatibility, Relationships, and Friendships. (n.d.). Retrieved October 5, 2015, from http://personalitygrowth.com/infj-and-isfj-compatibility-relationships-and-friendships/
ISFJ-INFJ Relationship. (n.d.). Retrieved October 5, 2015, from http://www.personality-central.com/ISFJ-INFJ.html
Portrait of an INFJ. (n.d.). Retrieved October 4, 2015, from https://www.personalitypage.com/INFJ.html
Portrait of an INFJ. (n.d.). Retrieved October 4, 2015, from http://www.personalitypage.com/ISFJ.html

Weekend Getaway

We spent the weekend in Branson and I didn't take a single picture, except the one you see above. #SorryNotSorry

I enjoyed myself, my time with my husband, my time away from our "real life." It was nice not to have to worry about getting up to let the dogs out, did I forget to buy milk for breakfast, how many dishes are in the sink, and the test I have tomorrow in Spanish. We took our time, we didn't bother getting dressed up, we ate when we wanted to, we slept when we wanted to, we took care of each other. No distractions. We didn't even plan any activities! And it was wonderful.

Taking a few days to focus on yourself and your spouse is a big deal. It lets you reconnect in ways you just can't in every day life. For me, vacations and weekend getaways are so necessary to keep my head straight, keep the peace, and remind myself that my life here is worth all the stress and mess.

As we transition from summer to fall, I encourage you to take some time away from the everyday norms and reconnect with someone special. Your spouse, your bestie, your mom, or even yourself. Disconnect from your normal routine and just focus on what you feel, what you see, what hear. You'll be amazed at what you discover.

I am so grateful that we have the means to do this on a semi-regular basis. It's something we plan to keep doing for as long as possible.

What did you do this weekend?

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8 Lessons We've Learned After 1 Year of Marriage

I've got a big secret about marriage. It may shock you, it may not. Brace yourselves. Here we go.

Marriage is HARD and it takes a lot of work to keep it going. It takes work to stay in sync with each other. It takes work to keep the peace. It takes work to be happy. But here's the second part of the secret, all that work is so worth it.

There are certain things that you know that will be a challenge going into a marriage. Patience, compromise, socks/shoes all over the place, finances, etc. Some of them you've been practicing since you were small, others not so much. Experiencing these things with another person is a whole different story.

Hubs and I were chatting over dinner the other day about all the things we've learned about each other and about marriage being just over a year in. His list and my list were slightly similar, but were so enlightening.

Hubs

// "Just let her do her thing."
I giggled a little when he said this, but it's been a real challenge for him. He's not as social as I am, but we've made compromises and I make sure that my social nature doesn't take away from my attentions to him.

// "Make time for a real date night."
This has helped us so much. Right now our date night is grocery night. We go out to dinner and do any shopping we need to do before we get groceries and come home.

// "If she doesn't know the real balance of the bank account, she won't go crazy in Target."
Ok. This one took me by surprise, but it's true. I don't ever know what our account balance is, and I like it that way. I am an impulsive spender, Hubs is a saver. Him being in charge of the finances makes me feel secure, and I don't spend as much when I don't know how much money we have.

// "You learn what it really takes to be supportive of your spouse's goals."
This goes both ways really. But he's been nothing but supportive about school, about this blog, and about anything else I want to accomplish.

Mine

// "We speak totally different languages, but I have learned how to interpret his now."
Growing up in totally different family atmospheres, we learned to communicate very very differently. That on top of our different love languages makes for quite a hurdle. But we've learned each other's language.

// "Snoring becomes ambient background noise that actually helps you sleep."
Laugh all you want, but as long as he's snoring I know he's still breathing. When I first moved here, he didn't snore as badly, but I would notice that he'd stop breathing for several seconds and then take a big breath.

// "Sometimes it's just better to ask for forgiveness than permission."
This sorta goes with me being an impulsive spender. Also when it comes to our furkids. This rule can apply to lots of different areas of life though.

// "We are both at fault in some way when we argue about things."
I'm not perfect. Neither is he. But sometimes we have these crazy expectations of each other. Sometimes we keep score, we get defensive, we don't really listen to the other. But we always apologize, we always make up, and we always make positive steps forward. Communication is a work in progress, but at least there is progress.


How long have you been married? What lessons have you learned?

Priorities

I am still reeling from what happened to me on Wednesday. I was planning on posting something fun and upbeat, but I'm glad that I forgot to hit publish because it certainly did not reflect how I have been feeling this entire week. Which is depressed mixture of anger, sadness, disappointment, and betrayal from my job which put a slight damper on my usually cheery home life.

I have never had a job that made me choose between my personal life and work, but Wednesday, that was exactly the case. My district manager tried to talk me into staying to work for a new facility  manager that is going to change my schedule around to the point where I would never get to see my husband, go to school, or have a weekend off ever. Her method? Giving me a guilt trip about me prioritizing my marriage over my job. In her exact words "You're really going to quit a job so you can see your husband seven nights a week? I work 12-16 hours a day and I have a husband and kids at home that I barely get to see, but that's the way it works in Health Care."

My answer to her: "That is your life that you chose. It has nothing to do with my life and what I want from it."

I am NOT going to apologize for wanting to see my husband at least a few nights a week. I am NOT going to apologize for not having children at home. (I am NOT going to apologize for treating my pets like my kids.) I am NOT going to give in to someone else's version of what my life should be like. I am NOT going to let someone bulldoze me or walk all over me. #sorrynotsorry

My job doesn't cook dinner for my family. My job doesn't cuddle up with me so I can go to sleep. My job doesn't make me tea when I am feeling sick. My job doesn't wake up at 2am to soothe a whining dog. My job doesn't clean my house. My job doesn't make a good snuggle buddy for watching movies. That's me, my husband, my pets, my family. And all of those things are so much more important to me than my job.

After she left and my anger subsided a little, I began to just feel really sorry for her and her family. I feel sorry for her that she feels like she needs to put others down to feel powerful. I feel sorry for her family that she puts so much importance on her job that it takes her away from them so much. I feel sorry for her that she has a resting b*tch face and a bad attitude. And I feel sorry for all of the other facilities in her district that have to deal with her.

I'm not worried though. I have another position lined up that will open up more doors for me and allow me to work hours that match my husbands. So for the next two weeks I'm going to take it easy and get my head back on straight. My husband is taking me to Branson, MO for Fourth of July Weekend and I start my new job the following Monday.

But, I encourage everyone to take a stand for yourself and not to feel guilty that your want to attend all of your kid's soccer games or go with your spouse to doctors appointments or take your cat to the vet. And you should definitely NOT apologize to anyone for wanting to do these things. Life should be full of more good times than bad, and if your job is tipping that scale the wrong way, perhaps it's time to find a new one.


Have you ever been pressured to choose between your family and your job? How did you handle it?

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Premarital Cohabitation: A Snippet of my Research Paper

This session I did my research paper on Premarital Cohabitation for my Lifespan Development Psychology class. This subject hits a personal note with me because I am a strong supporter of it. You don't truly know someone until you live with them. Both Philip and I only want to be married once, so making absolutely sure about each other involved moving in together. At first when I started my research the information was strongly against my beliefs. But as I dug deeper and found more recent articles I found some awesome statistics and studies that support my view.

Cohabitation facilitates the kind of interaction that increases the knowledge of oneself and of a potential partner and of the kind of mutual adaptations that are so essential to a stable relationship. While there are several reasons couples choose to cohabit, one of the main reasons is to test the waters; to see what life would be like if they were married. But what effects does premarital cohabitation have on romantic relationships and/or subsequent marriage?

Cohabitation has been on the rise for several decades now.

The numbers above are a significant indicator of the apparent changes in the progression of romantic relationships between both different sex and same sex couples.

With couples waiting until after college and/or after starting a career cohabiting has become a step in the partner selection process as well as a transition srep into marriage. The steps of a romantic relationship have shifted to include the cohabitation option.

Cohabitation is less accepted in societies with high levels of religiosity, but the advancement of western industrialized societies has increased the tolerance of premarital cohabitation and therefore making it a more widespread phenomenon. There has also been an increasing acceptance of divorce. However, with the continued plateau of divorce rates we can assume that this rise in cohabitation is not associated with a similar growth in divorce. Traditionally, cohabitation is associated with a negative affect on marriage, but in the last couple of years new research has shown a significant change. In fact, one study suggests that living together during the engagement is actually more defensive against divorce than not.

However, age is a great factor that has not been included in previous studies. It’s common knowledge that the younger you marry the less likely your marriage will succeed. That can also be applied to cohabitation. Couples who marry or cohabitate before their mid-20s’ relationships are more likely to fail. Why does this occur? It is due to the fact that younger couples are not yet ready for the roles of “husband” and “wife”.

Another factor that can greatly influence the success and probability of a marriage after cohabitation are the intentions of the couple going into the cohabitation agreement. Upon entering cohabitation, if the couple has definite plans to marry they will experience a level of marriage quality similar to those who had not. 

However, cohabiters without marriage plans only have a 17% chance of actually getting married and experience higher odds of marital dissolution than cohabiters with marriage plans.

As cohabitation has become more widespread its effects on marital instability have declined. It has the potential to improve the quality of life for many poeple, especially women, because it is not subject to the same gendered roles and expectations that may be associated with marriage. In my own personal experience, premarital cohabitation has saved me from making a couple horrible decisions and helped me make the best one of my entire life. The moral of the story here, though, is to only go into a cohabitation agreement with your partner if you are on the same page with respect to marriage and your future together, but only after you have had time to “grow up” and get to know yourself better.

Did you and your spouse cohabited before marriage? If so, did you go into the cohabitation agreement with marriage plans? Do you feel like your marriage has benefited from premarital cohabitation?

References

Baker, M., & Elizabeth, V. (2013). Tying the knot: the impact of formalization after long-term cohabitation. Journal Of Family Studies, (3), 254.

Cohabit. (n.d.). Retrieved October 4, 2014, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cohabit

Grose, J. (2014, March 10). Call Your Dad: Living Together Before Marriage Does Not Lead to Divorce. Slate.

Jose, A., O'leary, K., & Moyer, A. (2010). Does Premarital Cohabitation Predict Subsequent Marital Stability and Marital Quality? A Meta-Analysis. Journal Of Marriage & Family, 72(1), 105-116.

Kuperberg, A. (2014, March 10). Does Premarital Cohabitation Raise Your Risk of Divorce? Retrieved October 7, 2014, from https://contemporaryfamilies.org/cohabitation-divorce-brief-report/

Kuperberg, A. (2012). Reassessing Differences in Work and Income in Cohabitation and Marriage. Journal Of Marriage And Family, (4), 688. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00993.x/abstract

Lau, C. (2012). The Stability of Same-Sex Cohabitation, Different-Sex Cohabitation, and Marriage. Journal Of Marriage & Family, 74(5), 973-988.

Lee, K., & Ono, H. (2012). Marriage, Cohabitation, and Happiness: A Cross-National Analysis of 27 Countries. Journal Of Marriage & Family, 74(5), 953-972.

Manning, W. D., & Cohen, J. A. (2012). Premarital Cohabitation and Marital Dissolution: An Examination of Recent Marriages. Journal Of Marriage & Family, 74(2), 377-387. doi:10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00960.x

Oppenheimer, V. (1988). A Theory of Marriage Timing. American Journal of Sociology, (3). 563.

Xu, X., Bartkowski, J. P., & Dalton, K. A. (2011). The role of cohabitation in remarriage: a replication. International Review Of Sociology, 21(3), 549-564. doi:10.1080/03906701.2011.625664

Conversations with...

Can't be serious all the time!

Today is the first day of my new link-up! And I am so excited to share these little insights with you and to read the one's from your lives. Without further adieux, here is this little gem of a conversation I had with Hubs in the car on the drive home from Georgia last Monday:

Me: Guest what?

Him: Who?

Me: It's not that kind of what.

Him: Oh. What?

Me: I Love you.

Him: I Love you even more.

Me: Nuh uh! (pause) OK, well maybe.

Him: (chuckles) Oh! Now you're going to admit it?

Me: You know I Love you just as much as you Love me. (pause) Even though you're a butt head.

Him: I know, but you're a butt head too.

Me: I know. Us butt heads gotta stick together!

Him: I guess. (pause) Two butt heads don't make a wrong (looks at me with a huge grin).


Yes, we are that couple. #noshame

Since today is a Monday, Emily will not be co-hosting, but be sure to go over to Ember Grey. and read all the amazing Grateful Heart posts! In her absence (she will be co-hosting later, I promise!), I have asked one of my current sponsors to help me out. You guys should know my good friend Melissa by now, but if you don't go check her out over at The Rambling Llama.

 Follow Melissa!  ---- >  Blog  ::  Twitter  ::  Instagram

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I am very grateful (it is Grateful Heart Monday after all) that I have the opportunity to try these new ideas, to share my life (and Love) with you, and to be able to have these silly conversations with my husband.

{Guest Post} Craigslist Is Not As Bad As You Think

While Hubs and I are down in Georgia visiting my family, I have invited a couple of my fav bloggers and bestest friends to fill in for me. Today it's Kathy from Him and Me (but mostly me). If you don't follow her, you totally should. Especially if you're a newlywed. She tells the truth about life as a newlywed and her battles with anxiety. I admire her courage for putting it all out there so honestly. We have so much in common, it's no wonder she and I became such good friends so quickly! When I asked her to write a post for me, she decided to open up a little more and share the story about how she and her husband met. So take it away Kathy!

Hello Knock On Wood readers! My name is Kathy from Him & Me (But Mostly Me) and since Amanda Nicole is off having fun I thought I’d help her out and tell you about why online dating, specifically Craigslist, isn’t as bad as the media has made it out to be.

I got inspired to write this post because I’ve seen a lot of people speaking badly about Craigslist and that sort of bothers me since that is where I met my husband.

Don’t get me wrong, I get it. There was a murder and they made a Lifetime movie about it. That scares people. But have you stopped to think about the other side of it? How many young ladies have gone to a bar and met someone, set up a date, and then were raped or murdered? I don’t have statistics on that – but when I Googled it I found a ton of stories about murders after first dates. But that story doesn’t make a good headline so they don’t report it on the news. I mean, “Girl Meets Guy at Bar, Then Is Murdered” – it’s not really as catchy as “Craigslist Killer”.

Another headline that doesn’t make it to the evening news is “Girl Meets Guy off Craigslist and Lives Happily Ever After”. That is my headline.

I was never the outgoing girl that would walk up to a guy and start talking to him, nor was I the girl that guys flocked around and wanted to take out on dates. My first date didn’t happen until a few months after my 21st birthday. I’m pretty sure I met him off of Craigslist too.

Between him and meeting my husband I went on a lot of dates. I was made fun of by my family because I was going on a different date every night. And every one of those dates came from meeting the guy off the internet. They weren’t all off of Craigslist. I tried Match.com, eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, and a few other sites that I’ve forgotten about now (no Tinder, though).

I read a blog post recently where the author said that you will get better candidates on the paid websites since people who are paying are more likely to be looking for something serious. I don’t think this is the case. As I mentioned before, I tried those paid websites and I talked to different guys on them, but I think that out of maybe a year of being subscribed to the sites I only got 2 or 3 dates. And by this I mean I only found a few guys that actually were interested in relationships and not just getting some no strings attached sex. It was on Craigslist that I found guys who were looking for relationships and not just sex.

That’s not to say that I didn’t find creeps on Craigslist, because I did. But I do think that you can find just as many creeps on the paid websites and in person. After all, if you go to a bar or meet a guy randomly when you are out and about – how do you know he isn’t a criminal that will hurt you (and I don’t mean emotionally). The fact is that unless he is someone that you met through someone your chances of the guy being a creep or a bad guy are just as likely in person as they are online. But I have to say that I think online is better.

Why, you ask? Well because when you meet someone through Craigslist or some other site you can research them. You can Facebook stalk them, Google their name and do whatever else you feel you need to do in order to get to know the person before getting to know them. This is what I did with the guys I dated. I usually e-mailed back and forth a little bit, then I texted with them or IM’d with them, finally we set up a date.

After some time I would post my own ad’s on Craigslist and just wait for people to respond to me. I found this a much easier and better way to get to know guys. I posted what I looked like (honestly), my age, what I liked to do and what I was looking for. I got many good replies. My husband was one of them. He e-mailed me in 2010 apparently and after exchanging a couple of e-mails I didn’t reply. He says it was because of the pictures he sent me; I say it was because he was living a good 30-40 minute drive away in a bad part of town (ever heard of Compton?). Either way I don’t remember this at all.

He persevered though! A year later he replied to another post I made and we started e-mailing and texting each other. He had a lot of assets I liked. It took about 2-3 weeks before we actually went out. Now we are happily married and living in our new condo.

The moral of my story is: don’t judge Craigslist by one thing that happened to one person and that got blown up because it made good headlines and a Lifetime movie. Craigslist is also a great place to get used furniture for low prices and even find jobs (I have done both!). I also got rid of my washer and dryer for $20 instead of paying $15 for Sears to take them away!

Where/How did you meet your significant other? Have you used Craigslist?

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I May Choose to NOT Reproduce

Over the past few years my feelings about children have changed. If you had asked me in 2009 if I was going to have them and how many did I want, I would have told you "Absolutely!" and "two". Fast forward to 2011, and my feelings started to wane, and have continued to do so to this day.

First, I have to say that after a huge breakup in 2012 I never thought I was going to get married EVER, much less have any kids. (that totally changed when I met Philip, the marriage part, not the kids part)

Second, I was a nanny for about a year in 2009 (plus I am the oldest of seven), so I have a pretty good idea about what goes into being a parent. I'm not saying I know it all, I'm just saying I have an idea.

Third, I'm selfish and lazy. I like my alone time. I like my house being tidy and clean. I like being able to just walk out the door and go somewhere. I like sleeping. I want all of my husband's attention when he's home. I like having money to spend on things for myself or Hubs (or the cats and Bear if I'm being totally honest).

... a child changes everything.

Hubs and I are still working on us, continuing to build on that solid foundation of our relationship so our marriage castle will stand the test of time. And I don't want to do anything to mess that up, and that includes having a baby.

And then there are all of the questions:

What if I'm not a good parent?

Will I get frustrated and angry to easily?

How will childrearing affect my anxiety and depression?

How will we afford a child?

What if the stress of childrearing strains my marriage?

Will the cats accidentally suffocate a baby?

What will we have to give up?

How do we know when/if we're really ready? 

Will I even be able to conceive?

Hubs and I have had a few conversations about having a baby, but nothing super serious yet. We agreed that IF we decide to reproduce, we will only have ONE child. I'm not sure I could handle more. We agreed that discipline will be split as equally as possible. We agreed that our child will not watch snarky Disney Channel TV shows. We agreed that our child will be well-behaved or face consequences. The only things we don't agree on from our conversations so far is our preferred gender. I would want a girl and he wants a boy.

It will be a few years before we really start thinking seriously about having a child. And every time the subject comes up in conversation (because we all know it does), I get the "You're not getting any younger," comment. Yes, I know I'm almost 30. In face, I'll be 28 next friday. Yes, I know it's harder to conceive after 30. Yes, I know how old I might be when a possible child of mine starts college. But wouldn't you rather me wait until I know for sure my husband and I are ready in every possible way to raise a child, than to just pop one out all willy nilly because you think it's time?

So it may or may not happen for us. But you know what? I am determined to be happy either way.

Reality TV: The Compromise

via

Reality TV. I love it. I love that they show them in marathons on the weekends and that it makes me feel so much better about myself and/or my relationship. For some strange reason, I've started wanting to watch The Bachelorette this season. Probably because Andi is from Georgia and she's pretty awesome. But, Marriage Bootcamp is by far my favorite show, and the new season starts this Friday! Only I can't watch them in real time with everyone else.

Sadie, Sadie

Not linking up for TIOT today, but I have some exciting news! And now that I have had the chance to tell most of my immediate family, I am going to share it with you. Let's go back to Philip's four day Easter weekend. We got so much accomplished! Read all about it here. The last day of our weekend adventure, Monday, April 21, 2014, we went to Eureka Springs, Arkansas. We didn't just look into a couple of wedding venues and packages while we were there...

15 Lessons From My Mommy

I hope everyone had a wonderful Mother's Day, I know I did. We are sitting on her couch being lazy this morning, and I realized I didn't have a post ready. Then I thought "My mommy has taught me so many things", so I asked her to share her wisdom with all of you.

Three Books that Summarize and Inspire Me as a Person

Source

This week is the first week that I am participating in the 20 Something Bloggers weekly prompt.

The topic: What three books summarize you as a person? 

An interesting prompt to say the least, and since I am somewhat of a bookworm (even though I don't blog about it), I thought I'd take this opportunity to share with you the books that have helped shape who I am today.

10 Ways to Show Your Love

I used to be insanely insecure with myself, which made me insecure in my relationships. I sought reassurance and confirmation daily, and I am sure that was part of the reason all my past relationships failed. I have come to love myself and accept the person that I am, and I have found a wonderful man that does the same. I don't have to ask for them nor look very far to find signs that he loves and cares for me, they are displayed openly in our daily life. And I do my best to give him no reason to doubt my feelings for him as well.

Philip has agreed to help me write this post, which makes it extra special. We are going to share with you ten things that we practice in our own relationship that make us happy and feel closer to each other. A few of these helped a lot in the beginning when it was long distance.

Even if none of these things apply to your relationship, I hope this list inspires you to look at the little things that you do and appreciate them even more.

1. Every morning give a goodbye kiss.

Never let anything keep you from giving affection daily. Even though Philip gets up far earlier than I would ever dare, he still gives me a kiss before he leaves, waking me up just enough to know he's gone for the day. 

2. Send sweet or thoughtful text messages.

It only takes a few seconds to let someone know they are on your mind. Philip has never been good with words, so he joined Pinterest. There he finds quotes and lyrics that represent what he feels, what he wants to say, or our relationship in general. I have awoken to one nearly every morning since April 2013. We also have a message board in our kitchen that has the prompt: You are Loved because __. I love leaving him a note there for him to find in the morning.

3. Do what your partner likes/wants to do without complaint.

Relationships are about compromise. You can't always do what you want to do, and you won't always like what you're partner likes to do. Sharing activities and doing new things can bring you closer together and make great memories. Who knows, maybe you'll discover that you really do kinda like that T.V. show.

4. Save water, shower together.

Does this really need further explanation??

5. Listen. 

Really listen to what your partner is saying, and not saying. Sometimes it's what's behind the words that you need to pay attention to.

6. Know and Support your partners goals.

Helping each other grow as a person is a great way to help your relationship grow. Philip wants to move into an more IT based field, so I encouraged him to sign up for an online certificate training course. He does classwork, while I write and work on this blog. And, it's no secret I am trying to lose weight and get healthy. Philip has played a huge role in motivation and accountability for me, and I think I am really going to be able to stick with it this go round.

7. Don't stop dating each other.

Sometimes, as a couple, you fall into a comfortable rut and one day you realize you're not having fun anymore. Set aside time to get dressed up and get out of the house. Go to a nice dinner, see a movie, or explore your city. Long distance? Philip and I would have Skype dinner dates before I moved to Missouri.

8. Unexpected and thoughtful gestures.

As Philip says, "Surprises keep the spice!" When your partner has had a bad day, stop and pick them up their favorite candy, run them a bubble bath, or perhaps that movie from RedBox they've been wanting to see. Last Friday was our first anniversary, Philip told me that my gift would not arrive until the next week, so he surprised me with my new favorite Disney movie so I would have something to open that day. And I surprised him with a gift even though I told him that I wasn't going to be able to afford to.

9. Appreciate what they do for you and your life together.

A lot of times the small things you do get overlooked and taken for granted. Try to stop and take notice of what your partner does for you and your relationship. Let them know you appreciate their efforts. Philip puts the dishes away because he knows I don't like to and I make sure he has a healthy meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner because he'd be stuck with frozen pizzas and Taco Bell if I didn't.

10. Tell them. 

People like to hear that you love and care for them. Those three little words can have a lot of power if you support them with your actions. I make sure to tell Philip every night when I come to bed that I love him and he tells me every afternoon when he comes home from work.

What do you do to show your partner Love? 

8 Things I Learned From Failed Relationships

If I were to write a letter to the men I've dated (before Philip) it would go something like this:

Dear Ex-boyfriends, Ex-fiance, and various men of my past,

Lets skip the polite greetings and get to the point of this letter cause you probably don't even care how I'm doing and how much better off I am without you. Really, you're just curious as to why I would even address you at all.

I want to thank you. Yep, THANK YOU.

I learned a lot from our relationships: the ones that weren't good for me, the flings that never really meant anything, and the ones I knew deep, deep down weren't really going to work out in the long run. Each one of you brought a new perspective to my life and taught me different things about men, relationships, and, most importantly, about myself. Here's a list of the lessons you unknowingly taught me that have shaped who I am and how I am still able Love.


1.Patience. I was never a patient child, and an even less patient adult, but I have and still am learning to be patient when it comes to other people who are important to me.

2.Sex does not equal Love. While sex is an important part of an intimate relationship, no matter how amazing it is, it's not the only thing that should be holding it together. A solid relationship is built on a foundation of trust, honesty, and communication.

3.Actions speak louder than words. You can talk my ear off with promises of change or being a better person, but that doesn't mean you will actually hold up your end of the bargain. Without the actions to back it up, "I Love You" is just another sentence.

4.If a man wants you in his life, he will make time for you. We all have our own schedules and routines, but when you care about someone you make room for them. Hang out with your friends two days a week instead of three; go to the gym in the mornings instead of after work (or workout together!); include your girlfriend in your group outings.

5.You aren't going to like everything about someone. Don't get me wrong, you should like most things about the person you are dating, but no one is perfect. I learned what I can and can't live with in a man, and it's helped me accept the things I cannot change.

6.Skip the "Honeymoon Phase". Be straight forward with the person you are dating from the beginning. That way you don't waste time, energy, and money on someone who just wants to bang you a few times, gets "scared" (a.k.a. bored), and dumps you because they "don't want to hold you back."

7.Don't stick around if you are truly unhappy. Every relationship has hard times, but if I am resenting him, angry all the time, and not giving or receiving any affection, it's ok to admit the relationship isn't working.

8.Listen to the people around you. If all or most of your friends and family are telling you that he is definitely NOT the one for you for legit reasons (not race, religion, sports team preferences, etc.), they are probably right. Trust me, you'll totally look back and see it later.


So you see, you've taught me some pretty good life lessons that I am putting to good use in my current relationship. Now, I don't want you to think this is an open invitation to be a part of my life again; things didn't work out between us for a reason. And I don't require a reply of any kind. Just know that even though most of you were huge dickwads, I still appreciate our time together and what it has taught me. Thanks again!

Sunday Social

"How ARE you today?"

Emotions! RAWR! (Source)

I've not been having a very good couple of weeks. Nothing terrible, just my emotions running rampant through our house causing havoc in my boring life because I'm stuck here all day with no one to talk to or see, nothing to do, and nowhere to go. Movies, TV shows, articles, and even commercials are causing me to cry at the drop of the hat. The only person I see daily is Philip. Occasionally we visit with his parents and of course we nod to strangers at the grocery store. I'm trying to remedy this, as the chances of me finding a job here are bleak, by going back to school.

Sitting on the couch, like every night, with a cat on each side watching something on Netflix and browsing Pinterest I came across an article, The Daily Check-in and Why It Matters by Maggie Reyes on Modern Married. In the piece, she stresses the importance of telling your spouse, or significant other, what's happening in your life with enough detail that they understand why you might be extraordinarily grumpy, unusually quiet, or down in the dumps sometimes. Her point is that if your Someone knows what you're dealing with outside of your relationship, then they know that it's not them causing the mood fluctuation.

I love this idea, but have no idea (without sounding naggy or needy) how to implement it into my own relationship.

How I Got to Missouri

My name is Amanda and I was born and raised in and around Atlanta, Georgia. I always said that I'd never move away, even for a man. Well, I was wrong.

Just under three years ago I was dating this guy who really brought out the geek in me. He got me started on this online game and after seeing all the cute pets and fashion for the characters you play, I was hooked. Lets just face it, that is the real reason girls play those type of games. I made a bunch of friends to play with even after my loser boyfriend quit playing and the relationship ended. One of those friends was Philip. Just so happens that in February of 2013 we were both newly single. We started talking to each other more and outside of the game. Soon Philip confessed that he had always had a bit of a crush on me (insert cute giggles and blushing) and I admitted that I was starting to like him too.

It was the end of March, specifically the Friday before Easter. Philip and I are chatting on Skype and he was telling me he was excited about having the next few days off work. I joked saying he should come and visit me. He responded saying "what the hell, why not?" and about 14 hours later at 5:00AM he showed up at my door. I was nervous that he wouldn't like me in person, not to mention very surprised he came at all. We had a wonderful weekend together and he returned home Monday.

Our romance grew over the summer, even through my super tough patch. He was there for me when I was struggling with my job and when I stopped talking to everyone, including him. I literally went into some crazy hibernation, gorging myself with pizza and ice cream, but he gave me the space I needed. Only God knows why, but Philip was there for me when I finally worked myself out enough to come out of hiding, put on real clothes, and wash my hair.

His next visit, planned this time, was the weekend after my birthday in August. This time I was able to take him to see a coveted landmark in Atlanta: The Big Chicken. And we hung out with my amazing roommate and his boyfriend. Another great weekend.

Fast forward to the middle of September. I was having a particularly rough day at work. After sobbing on the phone to my mother while I was running errands for my boss, I had decided, with her encouragement and support, that I was just going to do it. I was going to move to Missouri and start over. I called Philip to tell him my decision and to ask him if he and his two cats would take me in or turn my crazy ass away. He likes my ass too much to turn it away and all animals love me, so here I am!

It's four months later and I'm sitting on the couch and he's fallen asleep to Conan. Pumpkin is curled up on my left and Misty has chosen her usual spot in Philip's lap. I couldn't be happier.