Halloween

This was always one of my favorite holidays when I was little. I mean, what kid doesn't want free candy?? (hint: the answer is none). My mom would always decorate our house with spiderwebs, pumpkins, and other random "scary" things. She even bought a CD of spooky sounds and would put the stereo speaker in the window so kids coming to the door could hear it. #BestMomEver

When I was about 6 years old, we moved to our brand new house in a lovely community. Our neighborhood was awesome, and back then, it was safer for kids to trick-or-treat without their parents tagging along. My mom still went through our candy when we dragged our pillowcases stuffed with treats back home, but she didn't really worry about us walking around our neighborhood by ourselves. Those were the days. 

I was supposed to be a cat (you can't see the ears or furry tail in this picture, but they were there!) and my bother... well, he was a clown. C didn't want to be a clown, can't you tell?

Ok. Here's the story. Mom asked us early on what we wanted to be for Halloween. I had successfully been a cat for the past three years and decided, why quit a good thing? C said he wanted to be a pirate. We had all the stuff for my cat costume and mom bought C his pirate costume. Come Halloween afternoon, C decided he no longer wanted to be a pirate. He wanted to be a superhero. It was kinda late to find him a superhero costume, and he refused to wear the pirate stuff my mom had already bought. He had two options: wear the clown costume from last year or stay home and hand out candy with Mom. There was no way he was giving up the handfuls of tooth decaying sweets our neighbors gave out, and begrudgingly donned the clown suit. Despite Mom's best efforts to make him a happy clown, his heartbreaking disappointment at not being a superhero still shines through. He was happily a pirate for the next year, and I finally exchanged the cat ears for a witch hat.

A couple years ago Mom's husband made us calendars for Christmas. Each one was personalized with photos of our family and funny captions. This photo was in mine for the month of October. I showed this page to C and we just laughed at the documentation of one of the few times he was overly dramatic as a child (I was a very dramatic preteen).

What was your go-to costume as a kid?

Currently: October

Loving: My husband. I know, I know, this is kinda a big DUH, but you guys, he's been so great lately. I've been going through a bit of a rough patch with some changes happening and he's been so supportive and strong for me while I get my shit together.

Reading: Nothing at the moment. I'm taking a much needed brain break between school sessions.

Feeling: Too much to put into words.

Watching: The Tudors on Netflix (again), and The Walking Dead. I'm so excited about this new season.

Writing: This post (haha). But in all seriousness I need to come back to this place. I've missed it, and I think I'm at a point now where I it will do more good than bad for me to be here.

Listening: My girl, Taylor Swift. I'm still so in love with 1989, don't hate.

Wanting: To find the perfect pair of shoes to go with the dress I got for our cruise! Shopping trip planned for Wednesday, wish me luck!

Needing: For Missouri to decide if it wants to get on board with this whole fall thing. I mean, it's October and we just had temps in the mid 80s. What is that? That's part of the reason I moved here, dude. To have all the seasons. Get it together Missouri!

Hoping: That I made the right choice on not taking a Psychology course in the upcoming session. We'll see what happens.

Wishing: For it to be December already. I miss my mom. A lot. She just got back from a two week cruise to Hawaii, and it was torture to not be able to just call her up to chat or to let my emotions loose on someone who understand where they are coming from.

Trying: To stay positive despite the disappointment.

Hating: That I've let this blog sit on the back burner for too long. I'm working on moving it up a bit though!

Missing: My Tribe. xoxo

Praying: For patience.

Thinking: That I'm doing good. I posted twice this week already. *pats self on back*

Considering: Cutting my hair again. But I know I won't really do it.


What are you currently up to?

Gratefulness

Today I am simply grateful that I know what it means to be grateful for something or someone.

I was picking up dog toys the other day when movement caught my eye out the back door window. Instinctively I looked up, instead of a giant bug or a murderous squirrel, I saw the falling leaves from the huge tree that shades our back yard. I stopped what I was doing, and I just stood there. How had I not noticed this yet? I've been so wrapped up in other things to notice the leaves change. So, I stood there, staring out the window. I took that moment to be grateful for the beauty right in front of my face each day. To be grateful for the ability to stop and be grateful for moments like this one. 

There is so much going on in this world that people forget that they have the ability to forgive, the ability to love unconditionally, to be grateful for the small things. I see it every single day. I've seen people close to me lose themselves in jealousy, in envy, in greed, in ambition, in success. They are so focused on what they don't have, they forget to be grateful with what they do have. And I feel sad for them, because I fear that nothing will ever be enough to satisfy their hunger for more things. 

Have you stopped to notice the leaves fall? Not because you want a good picture for a blog posts or this will make the perfect backdrop for my selfie or you'll get tons of likes on Instagram. For me, some of the best moments are the ones undocumented by a picture or tweet. They happen when I'm fully present and not worried about likes and comments. They don't need to be approved by the masses because they are mine, and they make me happy, and that's all that really matters.

What are you grateful for today?

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