Colby Bear

I want to introduce you to our sweet little Colby Bear. He was made for us by a wonderful organization called MollyBears. They make custom teddy bears that represent angel babies. The give families the comfort of a cuddle. Like each baby, each bear is different. Some have symbols like butterflies or animals or initials, and some have accessories like blankets or bows or tutus. Each bear can also be weighted to the weight of your baby.

Colby Bear is two ounces. He has an elephant on his chest and initials on his foot. We have two symbols for Colby, elephants and feathers. When we opened the box and saw that Colby Bear had a winged elephant on it I cried. The MollyBear maker had no idea about the feathers, we just requested an elephant. What a wonderful little hello from our sweet boy.

I can't tell you what this bear means to our little family. I am so grateful to have him, to have something to cuddle when I'm having a bad day. It will be nice to have something to represent Colby in family photos as well. Colby Bear has brought such comfort and joy to us, and I hope to the rest of our family as well.

Colby Christian Wood

Some of you may already know if we are friends on Facebook or you follow me on Instagram. But, on January 20, 2017 at 2:30am we lost our son, Colby Christian, at just over 14 weeks gestation.

I am not pregnant anymore.

I had a miscarriage.

We lost our son.

Those three statements have been the hardest thing to type, much less say out loud. I cannot express to you the level of emptiness and sadness I feel. I'm not sure I could even try to put it to words. If you've experienced a loss like this, you know what I mean. What's worse is we may never know why. The only thing that keeps me going is that it's not my fault and that Jesus will keep him safe until I can once again hold my precious boy.

I have had a wonderful support system around me, especially that first week afterwards. I'm not sure I'd be as "ok" as I am today if it weren't for my mom driving all the way up here from Georgia for that week. I don't think I could get through this at all without my amazing husband. And my closest friends have done their best to help me stay distracted when I need to be and be a shoulder to cry on when I need it.

I do want to thank everyone for your sweet words and prayers. It means a lot to me and Hubs. Especially those that call our son by his name. It makes him real and important to not just us. Even though you may not know what to say, there's not much anyone can say to make it better. But the simple "I'm so sorry" or "we are thinking about you" messages are perfectly enough for us right now.

A special thanks to all of those that lit a candle for Colby the day we brought him home from the funeral home that did his cremation. It was so amazing to see his light touch more than just our hearts.

Hope. That is what we have for the future. We have hope that we will be able to bring another light into this world that won't be extinguished so soon.

Hope.

5 Things I Am Missing During Pregnancy

Pregnancy is such a blessing, and I am so grateful to be finally having this experience. However, there is a long list of things you must not do for those nine months. A lot of those things, like eating sushi, I didn't do to begin with, but there are a few that I am missing particularly more than others.


1. Caffeine.
While we were trying to make this baby, I somehow got myself adjusted to Diet Caffeine Free Dr. Pepper. I have cut down on the amount of tea I drink, as a southern girl you must understand how hard it is to give up sweet tea. The biggest sacrifice has been my Starbucks habit. Granted, I only went on days I had class, which was normally 2 days a week. This session, however, I am going four days a week. The horrors. *insert dramatic faint here*


2. Wine
Oh man do I miss wine. I've taken to drinking juices out of a wine glass and pretending really really hard. But a relaxing bath just isn't the same without a glass of cool white wine to chug sip.


3. Energy
First trimester fatigue is very real. I have absolutely no energy or motivation to do things most days. At least its becoming more acceptable to wear yoga pants and leggings as pants these days, so I can just put on a decent shirt and shoes, throw my hair up in a messy bun and run errands or go to class with minimal effort. #pregnancywin


4. Clear Sinuses
I can't be the only one who has had a near constant overload of mucus stopping up my nostrils, preventing normal breathing. Not only am I limited to sleeping positions that keep me awake, now I have to fight to breathe at night. I saw a post about this the other day on one of the pregnancy groups I joined on Facebook and I don't feel so alone in this now. I think what sucks the most about this, is that you are limited on what medications you can take while pregnant, and you are encouraged to try not to take any at all.


5. Teeth Whitening
All those sodas, wine, and coffee we drink (or have give up for good reasons) can cause stains on your teeth, and we remedy this by whitening them. Before I got my two pink lines, I had partnered with Smile Brilliant to try out their at home whitening kit that features custom fitted whitening trays. Smile Brilliant sends you everything you need to get started. The molds for the custom trays were simple to make, and I got the finished trays fairly quickly after I sent the molds in. It was slow going at first due to my super sensitive teeth (I had no idea! I've never had problems before) even with the nifty desensitizing gel step included with the custom whitening tray kit. My consultant was amazing though, and helped me along with different tips and techniques. I was seeing some great results, even with the few treatments I was able to manage. Then I got my positive test, and had to stop the treatments all together, cutting my whitening experience off before I was done. Therefore I don't have adequate before and after photos (boo). But, you can check out some of the other reviews for Smile Brilliant and THIS video about how the custom whitening trays are made and how the two types of gels work.

Even though I can't whiten right now, doesn't mean you can't (as long as you aren't expecting as well!), so I'll be giving away a custom whitening tray kit. Just enter your information below. Can't wait two weeks for the giveaway results? You can use the code "knockonwoodblog" for $20 off your own set of trays during the duration of the giveaway. Happy Whitening!

ENTER GIVEAWAY

What did you miss most during your pregnancy?



  Whitening Teeth At Home

Pregnancy After Infertility

Now that the secret is out, I'll probably be around a little more. Well I hope so anyways. I'm telling you what, it's hard not to talk about or reference a pregnancy that is happening to you. Especially one that has be much anticipated by not only my husband and I, but all of our friends and family as well. A lot of people have been following our baby journey, and I hope no one is offended that we didn't spill the beans after those two pink lines popped up (we did tell immediate family and very few close friends).

Why not shout it from the rooftops and toss positive pregnancy tests on social media? Fear. And it is very real. Two of my close friends have recently experienced miscarriages. All I could think about after the initial shock wore off was that I would wake up tomorrow and it would be just a dream, that it wasn't real. I took more tests every few days and analyzed every single sensation or symptom. We had a little scare that it might be ectopic, so an emergency ultrasound was ordered at about 5 weeks. Thank God JellyBean was nestled safe in my uterus, and the pains I was feeling were probably the small cysts on my ovaries bursting (thanks PCOS).

After that reassurance, the fear was still there. Symptoms would come and go, and I was googling statistics as each week. I spotted one day and was scared to death. I was counting the days to our first official appointment at the OB, those three weeks seemed to have lasted years to me. I was so excited and nervous and scared. I knew we should be able to see the heartbeat, but knew there was a possibility that we wouldn't be able to hear it yet.

You can only imagine how in awe I was when she found it. There it was, fluttering away on the screen and then she turned the sound on. I couldn't even take my eyes off the screen to look at Hubs to see his reaction. My baby, there on the screen, extremely real. We didn't even remember to take a video of it!

I felt better after that appointment, until we got home. Then the anxiety and fear came crashing back in. "I'm still not past the first trimester, yet. Anything can happen." I tried to stay positive. And I would get irrationally angry at anyone who said anything like "Well I hope nothing happens" or "Hope it's a sticky bean" or "you should probably wait a while to tell people/buy things, just in case."

I reached the 12 week milestone on New Year's Day. And our next appointment is next week. Another anxious weeks of waiting.

I haven't decided how much of this pregnancy I'm going to share publicly. But I do know that you'll probably never see a "bumpdate" in this space or on social media. I've also decided not to share the names we've picked out either. As far as sharing gender and other details... I just don't know yet. Some things should be kept as a surprise right?

When did you share? How much did you share?

Wonders of His Love

This has been the hardest secret to keep, but the scariest one to tell too soon. We waited and tried and prayed for so long to finally get here, and now we are ready to share our news with you all.

That's right! Our little miracle will be joining us in July of 2017. We couldn't have asked for a better Christmas gift. I want to send a huge Thank You to everyone who prayed for us and supported us through all of the obstacles we faced getting here. And my heart goes out to those still on their journey to parenthood. You'll be in my prayers, always. 

Here's the story of the day we found out.

Even though I was experiencing some of the classic pregnancy symptoms, I was still very hesitant to take a test. I've been down this road so many times before to only get negative tests. But that day (11-11-16), I spontaneously decided to test. I had pushed the stick far away from me and slightly hidden behind the shower curtain for the duration of the wait time. I peaked only once and saw only one line from far away, and I steeled myself for the negative result. After 3 mins I tentatively slid the test closer. One dark line, and wait! Another lighter line!! Is this real?!?!

So I pulled out the ClearBlue Digital test and dipped it in the cup. I watched the blinking symbol for what seemed like hours until the result popped up. PREGNANT! A few mins later the weeks estimator indicated 2-3 weeks from conception. I couldn't believe it and burst into tears just thanking God for this miracle. 

It was only 11 am and I knew Philip would be home for lunch soon, so I texted him to make sure, when he informed me he'd be done for the day at 11:45. I had a more put together way of telling him planned in my head, but I didn't have the time to get it arranged in time, plus I had my nephew that day. So I pulled out all the little things we had purchased for this miracle child over the past year or so, and laid them out on the kitchen table with the tests and very impatiently waited. 

Grayson woke from a nap to eat just before Philip walked in. He walked into the kitchen as we made small talk and didn't even glance at the table. So I sent him back and told him to look around again. Then he saw it, said awww and then looked closer. "Are these yours?" I nodded. "Really?" I said really and started crying. He walked over to me and I saw his eyes getting misty. He kissed me and just couldn't stop smiling.

Merry Christmas!